Marriage is expendable
So I’m watching YouTube episodes of the show and note the faint resemblance of their opening sequence to The Brady Bunch. From unemployment to $70,000 per episode, their reality show (thanks to the sextuplets) has vastly improved the Gosselins’ financial state. After four seasons, I’m guessing that adds up to quite a mound of cash. So what if this fifth season is like watching the Titanic break in two? They need the money to care for their eight children’s futures and a new house and two puppies and Kate’s unique hairdo and, and, and…if they don’t have a show, will Emeril ever come back to visit them?
And here is the vicious cycle that I hope Jon and Kate recognize and make a decision to end: the TV show will go on as long as their marriage is in danger. Their marriage is in danger, because they have allowed fame and the pressures of childrearing to take precedence over their relationship. Because their marriage is in danger, fame, fortune, and childrearing will substitute for the apparent neglect of their marriage.
This situation might be a little redeeming if I could hear Jon and Kate say, “We always wanted a huge family with multiples in particular. We wanted our children to be the same ages so they’ll always have this extra special relationship with their brothers and sisters throughout life. We only want to celebrate birthdays twice a year for the birthdays for the convenience of not having to remember 10 different birth dates. And it will be easier for all of them to remember their birthdays too. We want for them to grow up together and leave the house all at once. Having so many siblings helps them intellectually and socially, because they’ll always have to remember each other and not leave anyone out, and they’ve been able to count to ten since the sextuplets were born!”
Of course, neither of them has said anything of the sort, because (unless you really are Octomom) no one ever intends to have six children simultaneously. Neither have they gone the other way and said, “Oops. We made a mistake fighting childlessness in this fashion. Now we have the huge pressure of raising all of them, plus the added dimension of having to entertain a TV audience. It’s tearing our marriage apart. That is ironic, because our marriage is the beginning to why any of this exists in the first place.”
The part I find starkly missing is the appeal to God and church to find a solution to their current marriage woes. Jon and Kate are not superhuman; neither are they doorknobs. In fact, everything in the show tells me that the Gosselins are the most normal people on the face of the earth. And maybe, just maybe, being normal is their biggest flaw. How many marriages similarly dissolve? Why, after the statistics on divorce within churchgoing couples are higher than the national average, do Christians still prefer to treat divorce as a taboo subject and refuse to combat it? Do we not know how? Are we lazy?
In conclusion, that (1) fertility is a god, and (2) marriage is expendable are two lessons from the world that we can find exhibited clearly in the life of a Christian couple named Jon and Kate Gosselin. There are more that I had planned on teasing out, but my better judgment tells me that I should save it for the comment box. That Christians in general don’t stop and consider the ethics of our actions by virtue of our being Christians is a dismal sign that the church has not overcome the world in the more significant ways.
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
The Moral of the Story: Jon and Kate Plus 8, Part 1
Introduction
I have never watched the reality show J&K+8 nor given the show a moment's thought in the last five years. Yet, now I think something's changed at the moment of their critical mass. Coincidence? Hardly. At just the right juncture, I’m interested and perhaps providentially so. At least, that is how it seems to me.
Jon and Kate Gosselin, the parents and main "characters" of the show, set themselves up as a Christian couple trying to raise a big family on TV. Their verbal commitment to God and faith linger somewhere above their heads throughout the show’s current four-plus seasons. Kate regularly goes on speaking engagements to mostly Christian audiences, and her name is splashed on many Christian magazine covers announcing interviews inside. A family photo graces the cover of a new book, titled Multiple Bles8ings. But right here, right now, Jon and Kate’s marriage is imploding on national television.
And I'm thinking, ‘Is there anything about this family situation that is healthy at all?’
Fertility is a god
I wrote about the idea of fertility treatment on a previous blogpost, particularly as it concerns Christian couples struggling with infertility. The Gosselins’ situation, unknown to me at the time, perfectly mirrors the situation I talk about right down to the issue of suddenly having many more babies than expected. Their first success using technology gave them twins. Kate wanted a third child, but they cancelled a potential adoption midway through the process in favor of returning to fertility treatments. This time, the sextuplets that caught the attention of a cable TV network were born. Nowhere online did I read that they questioned whether their choices and consequences were aligned with God’s wisdom, yet Kate claims “It’s what God wants for us.*” Even Amazon.com’s editorial review (from Publishers Weekly) of their book states that “she and Jon…decided to accept the extreme challenge God had handed them.”
What God handed them? I believe the conventional understanding of providence involves considerable less control and knowledge over an outcome than what the Gosselins have experienced. Knowing the risks and potential consequences, they circumvented infertility (infertility being a circumstance uncaused by them) to have multiples by artificial means (a circumstance caused by them). How else does an infertile couple go from zero to twins to sextuplets in such short order when they only wanted just one more baby?
The answer is that fertility is a god. Today, instead of erecting physical idols that might grant the next generation of children, livestock, and crops, many go to a clinic where its practices often result in too much of what was wanted (along with consequent “reductions”--ahem, abortions--as remedies). For couples that find themselves unable to have children naturally, the quest to change that through any means necessary can be all consuming, driving even the most well intentioned wannabe parents to take measures beyond godly limits. As Christians, we are most often sensitive to the pro-life position regarding the end of life, but rarely have we thought carefully about the pro-life side of the creation of life. Kate acknowledged the probability of multiples the second time around. “We were told that there was a possibility of four, but we were truly unaware that there were seven on the day that our procedure was done, or we would not have gone through with it,**" she states in an interview. With the potential for a minimum of four more children, did they stop to ask themselves if they were crossing into recklessness by creating more lives than was their intent? If human life is as precious as we say, then we do harm to the children conceived in numbers beyond parents’ normal ability to handle. One thing is true about the use of infertility treatments: many couples may be stamping Jesus’ approval of decisions made without Him retroactively based on the results rather than on principle and responsibility.
Even in the one of the cheesiest near-foreign movies ever made (Bruce Lee’s The Game of Death), the plea to respect life stands out as a universal, objective good; in particular, it is a good that is found within the whole counsel of God. It is about time we apply the whole counsel of God to the subject of infertility and its treatments and realize the bioethical limitations that must exist. To want children is blessed. To avoid ethical pitfalls surrounding the issue of fulfilling this want is equally blessed, if not more.
*(http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/jon-and-kate-plus-8.htm)
**(http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/jon-and-kate-plus-81.htm)
(Next: The Morals of Jon and Kate Plus 8 Story, Part 2)
I have never watched the reality show J&K+8 nor given the show a moment's thought in the last five years. Yet, now I think something's changed at the moment of their critical mass. Coincidence? Hardly. At just the right juncture, I’m interested and perhaps providentially so. At least, that is how it seems to me.
Jon and Kate Gosselin, the parents and main "characters" of the show, set themselves up as a Christian couple trying to raise a big family on TV. Their verbal commitment to God and faith linger somewhere above their heads throughout the show’s current four-plus seasons. Kate regularly goes on speaking engagements to mostly Christian audiences, and her name is splashed on many Christian magazine covers announcing interviews inside. A family photo graces the cover of a new book, titled Multiple Bles8ings. But right here, right now, Jon and Kate’s marriage is imploding on national television.
And I'm thinking, ‘Is there anything about this family situation that is healthy at all?’
Fertility is a god
I wrote about the idea of fertility treatment on a previous blogpost, particularly as it concerns Christian couples struggling with infertility. The Gosselins’ situation, unknown to me at the time, perfectly mirrors the situation I talk about right down to the issue of suddenly having many more babies than expected. Their first success using technology gave them twins. Kate wanted a third child, but they cancelled a potential adoption midway through the process in favor of returning to fertility treatments. This time, the sextuplets that caught the attention of a cable TV network were born. Nowhere online did I read that they questioned whether their choices and consequences were aligned with God’s wisdom, yet Kate claims “It’s what God wants for us.*” Even Amazon.com’s editorial review (from Publishers Weekly) of their book states that “she and Jon…decided to accept the extreme challenge God had handed them.”
What God handed them? I believe the conventional understanding of providence involves considerable less control and knowledge over an outcome than what the Gosselins have experienced. Knowing the risks and potential consequences, they circumvented infertility (infertility being a circumstance uncaused by them) to have multiples by artificial means (a circumstance caused by them). How else does an infertile couple go from zero to twins to sextuplets in such short order when they only wanted just one more baby?
The answer is that fertility is a god. Today, instead of erecting physical idols that might grant the next generation of children, livestock, and crops, many go to a clinic where its practices often result in too much of what was wanted (along with consequent “reductions”--ahem, abortions--as remedies). For couples that find themselves unable to have children naturally, the quest to change that through any means necessary can be all consuming, driving even the most well intentioned wannabe parents to take measures beyond godly limits. As Christians, we are most often sensitive to the pro-life position regarding the end of life, but rarely have we thought carefully about the pro-life side of the creation of life. Kate acknowledged the probability of multiples the second time around. “We were told that there was a possibility of four, but we were truly unaware that there were seven on the day that our procedure was done, or we would not have gone through with it,**" she states in an interview. With the potential for a minimum of four more children, did they stop to ask themselves if they were crossing into recklessness by creating more lives than was their intent? If human life is as precious as we say, then we do harm to the children conceived in numbers beyond parents’ normal ability to handle. One thing is true about the use of infertility treatments: many couples may be stamping Jesus’ approval of decisions made without Him retroactively based on the results rather than on principle and responsibility.
Even in the one of the cheesiest near-foreign movies ever made (Bruce Lee’s The Game of Death), the plea to respect life stands out as a universal, objective good; in particular, it is a good that is found within the whole counsel of God. It is about time we apply the whole counsel of God to the subject of infertility and its treatments and realize the bioethical limitations that must exist. To want children is blessed. To avoid ethical pitfalls surrounding the issue of fulfilling this want is equally blessed, if not more.
*(http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/jon-and-kate-plus-8.htm)
**(http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/jon-and-kate-plus-81.htm)
(Next: The Morals of Jon and Kate Plus 8 Story, Part 2)
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Should You Do It, IVF You Want?
I have had so many questions for the longest time about Christian couples who choose to undergo IVF and how they have come to grips with what they believe God wants for them. Have we considered these questions?
In our Western Christian-influenced society, we have come to view medicine and treatments/procedures as blessings and/or gifts from God. Afterall, God created the man/woman, bestowed the intellect, ordained the circumstances, and nurtured the drive that produced a doctor that heals the disease. We appreciate that.
And so, we are inclined to view infertility and its alternatives in the same fashion. Is IVF the same as helping the paraplegic to walk again? In the latter, we are restoring a function, a physical ability. In the former, we are circumventing, not restoring, reproductive disabilities. We are making babies. Lots of them. And, unlike helping someone to walk, numerous embryos that are created inevitably meet a fatal end. It's expected. These two things don't sound the same after all.
A couple pursuing IVF really only wants one child (at a time). IVF creates dozens of embryos; doesn't that make them instantly parents of twelve or more offspring?
When they are asked how many to implant, why do most choose to implant more than one? If the number is high (8 or more), what do they do when embryos don't "take" (in other words, miscarry)?
What do they do when their doctor approaches them about a "reduction" (that is, abortion) from, say, 6 to 3, the intentional death of 3 of their unborn?
How does the couple regard any remaining unimplanted embryos? Are they viewed as their children the same as the ones that are implanted and brought to birth?
How does all of this square with the prominent view in Christianity that personhood and humanity exist with someone from the time of conception, or, as in this instance, creation?
These are weighty questions for all Christians, and not meant to wag a finger at couples who have undergone IVF. An infertile couple should feel a certain entitlement to having children; it is the natural course of God's created order for marriage under normal circumstances. Under infertility circumstances, however, how far should a Christian couple go to remedy childlessness? Where, if any, is the line that we should not cross?
In our Western Christian-influenced society, we have come to view medicine and treatments/procedures as blessings and/or gifts from God. Afterall, God created the man/woman, bestowed the intellect, ordained the circumstances, and nurtured the drive that produced a doctor that heals the disease. We appreciate that.
And so, we are inclined to view infertility and its alternatives in the same fashion. Is IVF the same as helping the paraplegic to walk again? In the latter, we are restoring a function, a physical ability. In the former, we are circumventing, not restoring, reproductive disabilities. We are making babies. Lots of them. And, unlike helping someone to walk, numerous embryos that are created inevitably meet a fatal end. It's expected. These two things don't sound the same after all.
A couple pursuing IVF really only wants one child (at a time). IVF creates dozens of embryos; doesn't that make them instantly parents of twelve or more offspring?
When they are asked how many to implant, why do most choose to implant more than one? If the number is high (8 or more), what do they do when embryos don't "take" (in other words, miscarry)?
What do they do when their doctor approaches them about a "reduction" (that is, abortion) from, say, 6 to 3, the intentional death of 3 of their unborn?
How does the couple regard any remaining unimplanted embryos? Are they viewed as their children the same as the ones that are implanted and brought to birth?
How does all of this square with the prominent view in Christianity that personhood and humanity exist with someone from the time of conception, or, as in this instance, creation?
These are weighty questions for all Christians, and not meant to wag a finger at couples who have undergone IVF. An infertile couple should feel a certain entitlement to having children; it is the natural course of God's created order for marriage under normal circumstances. Under infertility circumstances, however, how far should a Christian couple go to remedy childlessness? Where, if any, is the line that we should not cross?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
